Funny. Every time I leave the country, it is the people who I least care about who usually give me the most touching of farewells. Tonight, after we closed up for the night, the other staff gathered to give me a toast. It was my favourite bottle of burgundy.

Sometimes, I'm beginning to think that the longer anybody knows me, the more they find that I'm not such a nice person after all. Don't take this the wrong way. I'm just thinking that perhaps I've still been too selfish. Not selfless enough. It's one thing for me to have already switch from negative to positive. But I doubt that's really enough. It's true that at times I've been a gifting person, but it's either because the resources I've been drawing upon are not my own, or because I have expectations of getting returns (which technically isn't selfless anyway).

Sometimes, I wish I really had the heart to gift others indiscriminately, not selectively, and without expectations of reciprocation. I wish I could gift people, not things that I could easily afford, but things that are hard to give away. Sometimes, I wish these things are not simply a matter of once or twice, like a birthday present, some lose change or flowers, but things that last, like time, patience, understanding, brotherhood and fellowship.

But I have difficulty gifting others, including my closest friends. How can I then have no problems gifting to others who I don't know. Very, very few charitable organisations have benefited from one second of time or money from me. Personally, I don't even remember ever donating to any organisation, for that matter.

My heart is still selfish. I admit that I've tried to buy friendship with gifts. I've tried to win the hearts of girls with flowers. But these things never work. They mean little if my view of gifting is self-centred. It is only when I do something for others at the sacrifice of myself and with no return benefit can I ever hope for friendship. That's means, I probably must never think of deepening my friendships with others by gifting, to begin with.

No ulterior motives.

I love you, Lord Jesus, because I know You love me too. You love me so much that you forgive my sins. Out of your love of me, Lord, teach me to love others and honour my family and friends whom I meet everyday. Help me, Lord, to love them not with human love, but with Your love.

And so I thank You. I thank you for showing me that I should look to You for Your love. I thank You because Your love has shown me a glimpse of what it is to worship You, especially in the last few weeks when I cry out to You. You have been here for me every step of the way, even though I have been unfaithful.

But you have renewed me... again! Because of all these, Lord, I want to tell You that I love you.

Because I know You love me too.

Bali was a real cool holiday. Interestingly enough, it was the first non-photography trip I had in a while. Or rather, it was the first trip in maybe 4 years anywhere without me carrying a film camera.

The things we did: body-boarding, para-sailing, shopping, eating, swimming, sunbathing, ate at a mountain top, visiting clubs, historical and cultural landmarks, watched traditional plays, learn about Balinese handicrafts, walking, water-rafting, and switching hotels.

My next Bali trip will probably be for a longer time, and will probably be a photography trip. It is, indeed, quite an exciting place to have fun.

Click here to view the snapshots (digital).